


Jump then Fall

by Liyyah



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: F/M, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-12 01:36:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13536888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liyyah/pseuds/Liyyah
Summary: After their kiss, Harvey shows up at Donna’s apartment.





	Jump then Fall

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve probably written like a million things where Harvey ends up at Donna’s place after the kiss and everything idek my brain can’t keep track of all the shit I’ve written but here’s this mess that happened bc of the promo.

“Do you want to come in?”

The words jolt him from his thoughts as he’d already begun to turn around, filled with regret at coming here.

He looks at her, at the uncertainly written on her features, the fear in her eyes and he shatters.

But he’s been shattering from the second her lips touched his.

Harvey doesn’t have a clue as to what he’s going to say or do, it’s a blur as to how he even ended up at her apartment in the first place but he finds himself walking through the door.

_She kissed him._

His insides are reeling still and his breath has forsaken him and he can feel the earth turning beneath his feet and he doesn’t know how to make it stop.

Everything in him is screaming. But for what, he doesn’t know.

“Why?” is the first thing he forces out.

The word is gravel in his throat, scratching and burning as it falls from his mouth.

_Why now? Why this? Why would she turn him into his mother?_

“I had to know Harvey,” she says, almost a whisper as she avoids his gaze.

The same thing she said earlier.

“Know what?”

A part of him flinches at the force in those two syllables but there is fire in his veins and it is begging to be released.

“How I feel about you,” she answers, lightning flashing across her face as she calls her own storm. “And maybe...if you felt anything for me too.”

“You could have asked-” he starts but she cuts him off.

“And you would have answered?”

The question is steel that cuts through the air.

 _Love me how?_ echoes in his mind, still unanswered to this very day.

But he had been about to, before she walked away. Even if what he was going to say hadn’t been the truth.

The memory of her leaving opens a wound that never quite healed and soon his suit is soaking with blood.

“You didn’t have to kiss me while I’m in a relationship with someone else,” he bites out.

_In a relationship._

It hits him suddenly that he still needs to tell Paula and his head begins to ache.

“I’m sorry,” she says quietly, much to his surprise. He had been expecting a fight. “I wasn’t thinking I-”

A sigh escapes her as she runs her fingers through her hair, a bundle of nervous energy and the urge to take her in his arms threatens to drown him.

“I lied when I told you that even though you and Paula bothered me, it didn’t mean anything,” she admits. “I saw her in your office one day...leaving you a present and god it _hurt_.”

He blinks, wondering why his girlfriend never mentioned it before realising that it didn’t really matter to her.

_It shouldn’t matter so much to him either._

But anything concerning Donna mattered to him.

“And then I went to see Mark-”

“Mark?”

The flames beneath his skin are scorching.

“Meadows. Yeah he came back into my life again. Or well I came back in his since I was the one that called him.”

Donna’s rambling now and it’s only then that he notices the bottle of wine open on the table and guilt pools in his chest because he’s the reason she felt the need to drink the night away.

“But in the middle of lunch with him he told me he was married. That didn’t stop him from inviting me to his hotel room later on though. And after I saw her in your office...I went.”

Her statement is a knife that stabs him in the stomach.

“I ended up leaving as soon as I got there. I didn’t even go into his room,” she continues. “I couldn’t be that person. But then tonight I made _you_ that person and I’m sorry.”

“Donna,” is the only thing he can say as the sight of her glassy eyes break him all over again.

Automatically, he takes a step towards her, her tears cooling the charred remains of his heart.

“Everything spiraled,” she says, staring at him with a broken expression of her own. “It was Malik shouting accusations at me in the courtroom and then Mike was asking me about my feelings for you and then Louis was telling me about how awful it is watching his soulmate marry someone else and I just...I saw you right after and all I could think is that I can’t let that be me and I...”

She trails off just as a tear slides down her cheek and Harvey wants nothing more than to reach out and wipe it away but he’s frozen.

The blame and bitterness that still resided within him fades as it dawns on him that he would have fallen apart too.

If he was being honest with himself, he’d admit that he _had_.

Because Donna had told him she wanted something more and he panicked. He ran. He let himself believe that he was perfectly happy with Paula when he knew all along that deep down something was missing. He convinced himself that it meant nothing when Donna returned his key and he felt as if she tied a noose around his neck. He denied it when Paula called him out on his bullshit when he couldn’t tell Donna that they were in a relationship.

But the truth was that he loved her. He always had. And he never knew how to deal with it.

When Donna kissed him, everything in him went quiet. Briefly, he had the universe at his fingertips.

And it hit him just how _tired_ he was.

He couldn’t keep playing this game where he pretended that she was just a friend. That he wasn’t completely in love with her.

“I made a mess,” she murmurs.

“We both did that,” he replies, finally finding his voice again.

She looks at him, waiting for more and the weight of her stare undoes him right then.

“When you were dating Stephen and I told you that even though it bothered me it didn’t mean anything...well I lied,” he makes a confession of his own. “I’ve been lying for years.”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“You had your rule.”

“That stopped mattering a long time ago.”

“Well I didn’t know that,” he says defensively. “You broke it for him but I didn’t know if you’d break it for me.”

Sadness flits across her face and he forces himself to take a breath before continuing.

“And I was afraid too. You once told me I was too afraid to risk anything and you were right. I couldn’t lose you Donna.”

“You wouldn’t have,” she tells him, so softly he nearly doesn’t hear her.

The clouds in his heart part as the faintest bit of sunlight shines through at her declaration.

“After Jessica left I had this dream about you,” he says, throwing the last piece of caution to the wind. “We were together. But you said you couldn’t work for me anymore because of it. You were leaving.”

That had always been his biggest fear.

_It was why he ran._

A flash of understanding darts across her face.

“I have some things to work through,” he admits.

Donna nods, almost as if she doesn’t trust herself to speak.

The air between them is as fragile as they are while they stand on the edge of the world, neither of them quite sure if to jump.

_Things would never be the same between them again._

The thought almost knocks him to his knees but it quickly sinks in that it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

They are a mess. But they are _them_. And in the end they always find their way back to each other.

“We can’t go back from this,” she states and he almost smiles at her voicing his thoughts out loud.

“No,” Harvey agrees.

But now he knows what he wants.

“We need to talk more...about us,” he says carefully.

“That’s never exactly been our strongpoint,” she quips, wrapping her arms around herself.

“All the more reason why we should.”

Harvey never thought that _he_ would be the one to suggest they talk about their feelings and from the look on her face, the irony doesn’t escape her either.

But she simply nods, all too aware of the tightrope they’re currently balancing on.

“I need to care of some things first though,” he says.

_He needed to talk to Paula._

That was the first mistake he needed to fix.

“Yeah. Of course,” she says but the smallest amount of hope appears behind her eyes.

And so, after years and years of being afraid, Harvey jumps. Everything in him has been screaming for centuries but now he knows it’s for her.

It was always for her.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is some low quality fic bc I wrote it all in one go pretty quick but thanks for reading anyway.


End file.
